Grass Roots

A child said What is the grass? fetching it to me with full hands;
How could I answer the child? I do not know what it is any more than he.

I guess it must be the flag of my disposition, out of hopeful green
stuff woven.

Or I guess it is the handkerchief of the Lord,
A scented gift and remembrancer designedly dropt,
Bearing the owner's name someway in the corners, that we may see
and remark, and say Whose?

Or I guess the grass is itself a child, the produced babe of the vegetation.

Or I guess it is a uniform hieroglyphic,
And it means, Sprouting alike in broad zones and narrow zones,
Growing among black folks as among white,
Kanuck, Tuckahoe, Congressman, Cuff, I give them the same, I
receive them the same.

And now it seems to me the beautiful uncut hair of graves.

- Walt Whitman

"You don't know," he said, and began to smile. "O great sorcerer who brings the dead to life. You don't know."
"I know," the man in black said. "But I don't know... what."
"White light," the gunslinger repeated. "And then--a blade of grass. One single blade of grass that filled everything. And I was tiny. Infinitesimal."
"Grass." the man in black closed his eyes. His face looked drawn and haggard. "A blade of grass. Are you sure?"
"Yes." The gunsliger frowned. "But it was purple."

- Stephen King's "The Gunslinger"

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I am God's Secret 7th Day Project.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

How to Jump Off a Bridge: Conquering Your Fears Through Bungee Jumping


I’ve always had a fear of heights. Even when I’m on the ground, looking up at heights, I sometimes get vertigo. But unlike most people who suffer from this very common anxiety, I have been determined to overcome it. I want to ride my first roller coaster and I want to sky-dive before I die. So when I had a chance to bungee jump in South Korea last summer, I jumped on the opportunity to jump off a bridge.But I didn’t show up unprepared. I had a game-plan mapped out and I don’t think I could’ve jumped without it. Here’s how you can prepare yourself like I did:

1) Have a Touchstone

Before you get up there and your fear starts controlling your brain -- and body -- you need some sort of touchstone based in reality. Long before I got to that bridge, I knew I was going to be safe. I believed it more than I believed anything else. I told myself, bungee jumping is very safe: the harness is safe, the staff are experts, and people bungee jump all the time. Like the saying goes, the only thing to fear is fear itself. Nothing bad was going to happen to me – I just needed to jump and then let the equipment take care of the rest. That was my touchstone, and it grounded me in reality.

2) Jump Fast!

The longer you wait, the more you psych yourself out. Some people think that taking a little time will help them build up courage. You need to build up your courage before you buy the ticket. Once you’re strapped in and people are waiting, you need to jump! Taking time will only embarrass you and give your brain time to rationalize why doing the walk of shame and missing a fantastic experience makes sense. When you get up there, the time for thinking is over and the time for jumping begins. But if you think you’ll need inspiration to jump quickly…

3) Don’t Freeze: Plan a Routine

Definitely, the hardest part of the whole experience is having to jump. Being on the bridge isn’t so bad, and flying through the air is just awesome. But just after you get strapped in, and everyone left is waiting and watching, you hit a wall of fear. You might think you just need a moment’s courage to jump, and then everything will be fine, but taking time will only make it harder. My routine for jumping quick was simple: I’d turn my camera towards me, I’d tell myself that I was %*$&ing Batman, I’d take a last look out over the horizon (and NOT down), then I’d immediately soar through the air. Long before my jump, I practiced visualizing the moment of fear and my routine. I drew upon comic books to steel my nerves. In one issue of Batman, Bruce Wayne has recovered from a broken back and has lost his nerve for swinging through the air. I kept thinking of being that mortal man, and though I was scared I was sure that I’d be alright if I just trusted my equipment and jumped. So, once I was strapped in I nervously shuffled to the edge, looked into my camera, said “I am f*&^ing Batman”, looked out over the horizon and immediately jumped into it.

4) Scream! But keep those eyes open!

Okay, jumping is definitely the hardest; but if you’re a wuss like me then the intial fall and sling-shot back up is pretty scary, too. I handled it by screaming! It helps! Also, with the video rolling, I wussed out and looked into my camera instead of the river rushing towards my face. It helped me keep my nerve and my sanity. By the second drop and sling-shot back into the air, I was loving every second of it!

5) Do it again, ASAP!

For a month after my bungee jump, heights honestly didn’t scare me anymore. I felt I had overcome it! And I desperately wanted to jump again, right away. If I had the chance, I would have! And you should, too! After the first time, it’s definitely going to be easier. But after a month without really challenging myself, I was terrified on the world’s second largest ferris wheel in Tokyo. Hello Kitty was terrifying enough without having my life depend on her engineering.


Tough Lessons Learned About Canadian Cell Phone Industry

Owning cell phones and cell phone contracts in Canada makes suckers of us all. The industry “competition” set prices and low standards of service between each other, comfortable that there are enough suckers for everyone. At least that’s the lesson I received earlier this year: first from shopping around the major companies for a plan, and then from some disturbing reports from the CBC.


Moving to Vancouver in March, and looking for a new job, I needed a cell phone. I decided it would be smart to talk to customer representatives from Rogers, Bell, and Telus – whom I considered to main cell phone providers in the country. I was looking to but an iPhone via a new cell phone contract.


Being an early resistor to cell phone culture, I am still a cell novice at the age of twenty-five. I had pay-as-you-go once before, because I already had the impression that cell contracts are expensive, long, and particularly nasty when you break them.


However, the first thing that surprised me while looking at the package options were the absence of features that I considered standard in my experience with land-line phones. For example, call display is not a new service, nor requires manpower beyond the click of a mouse for someone in a call center. It’s something that I’d expect for free, especially from a phone that has a screen and can access the internet. To include it only in a package of $10-15 that is bundled with less standard options is a complete disgrace.


Furthermore, incoming calls have always been free on house phones. The only exception is collect calls, which are for emergency. Incoming calls also used to be free on cell phones, too. But recently the companies have started charging both the caller and the receiver at the same time -- effectively billing each call twice.


Unlike the lack of standard features, I had actually expected the phone and contract to be expensive. Yet I was still to be surprised by exactly how expensive. Agreeing finally to purchase my iPhone from Telus, which seemed the best of the triplet companies, I would have to pay $200 for the phone, $35 for activation, $80 per month, and agree to a 3-year contract. That $80 did, however, include a package with call-waiting that was only included at an extra $15/month. Also, for $80/month, there is no unlimited data plan and free “evening” calls start at 9pm instead of 6pm.


Still, I have finally caught the cell phone bug thanks to the sleek new iPhone. Many of you have already made purchases like the one I’m describing. Regardless of my concerns with the plan, it had always been the length of cell phone contracts, and the steep expense of buying them out, that scared me away in the past.


When bringing my concern up with a Bell salesperson, he explained that I could simply give away my contract to another person when wanted out. In fact, he told me, people search places like Criag’s List for older contracts all the time because cell phone contracts – as he explained to me – are getting more expensive each year.


The Bell representative’s comment gave me the sick impression that, despite these companies being in competition with each other, and despite improvements in infrastructure and technology, and despite a growing customer base, cell phone companies are offering worse and worse deals to Canadians.


Well, at least the growing popularity of Craig’s List has made it easier to ditch unwanted contracts to people as long as you’ll ditch your expensive new phone with it.


Plus, I still had iPhone fever! After carefully discussing the various plans with my girlfriend over coffee, I chose Telus. Once I filled out all the information, had a credit check run, and had my brand new iPhone placed in front of me, the salesperson finally revealed that I’d have to pay a $400 security deposit. Out of the blue. This deposit would be held until the coming December, by which time I would have paid them a total of $1040.


Next, she informed me that because she had just run a credit check, buying my iPhone with another company would now hurt my credit.


Her deceitful bait and switch routine still almost worked on me Luckily my girlfriend talked me out of it. I was left very angry when I realized I couldn’t afford my phone and now couldn’t shop around for a better price.


I couldn’t help but wonder how cell phone companies can get away with this. Then my girlfriend received a lesson from Bell.


She had been a Bell Mobile customer for over five years, previous to leaving the country. Upon her return, she had to open a new account and was helped by a sales-representative in training who set her up with a month-to-month plan for $40. Two months later she received a bill of over $200. I had been calling her from Newfoundland, which she assured me was free for her because it was an incoming call. However, those calls had totaled over $140, and left her being charged 35¢/min on every call for the rest of the month.


She called Bell, at 35¢/min, and they claimed that incoming calls had always been charged. A representative at a Bell store admitted to us that the company had only started charging for incoming calls about 6 months ago – while my girlfriend was out of the country.


No one had told her of this change in policy and no one at Bell felt that they were at fault.


The manager told her that sales-representatives can’t possibly explain every part of the contract and, besides, any customer should know to ask about incoming calls. They promised to “ask” a higher up about it, and they would call her back. They didn’t.


 If she had known that incoming calls were now being charged, she would have paid $5 extra to change her Fab 5 feature from province-wide to nation-wide. But she received no warning, no apology, and no mercy.


The problem is a lack of any real competition. The salesperson at Telus revealed to us that the companies agree to keep a standard rate between them. The companies obviously do so well that they have no need to challenge each other in terms of pricing and value.


Why don’t the government step in and protect consumers?


Ridiculously, the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) refuses to do anything because they feel that “the market for wireless services is sufficiently competitive”. When the three major companies agree to pricing and raise prices in unison, there is no “sufficiently competitive” marketplace. A sufficiently competitive marketplace offers lower prices, especially as technology gets better and infrastructure expands. Instead, the actions of the cellular industry demonstrate a monopoly by committee. In response, the website www.dissolvethecrtc.ca offers Canadians a chance to sign a petition voicing their displeasure with the corporate-friendly CRTC. Canadians have a right to demand a regulatory body that protects the people from corporations, not the other way around.


Is it unfair of Canadians to expect better cell phone service and value? Surely it must be easy to improve service and quall growing complaints.


For example, a simple automated text to alert customers who have gone over their allotted minutes could prevent thousands of problems like my girlfriend’s problem. A halfway honest or competent representative could have prevented both our problems.


If the industry was struggling to remain profitable, I'd be more sympathetic. But considering their unwillingness to compete with each through new, more attractive offers, and through acknowledging how many people own and operate cell phones, the question of profits can hardly be in doubt.   
            
             A study reported by the CBC found that between the 30 nations in the OECD, Canada ranks the 3rd most expensive nation in medium-usage cell-phone plans. In the same category, Canadians spent $500 US a year in cell phone rates, while the Dutch spend only $131 for the same plan. Also, according to a poll on that same CBC webpage, 96% of readers thought that Canadian cell phone rates were too high.


A recent episode of CBC Marketplace ran a tongue-in-cheek competition looking for the highest Canadian cell phone bills – many which reached into the $1000s. One bill ballooned because of international roaming charges. One Canadian was charged almost $900 for checking her email in Europe. According to an expert interviewed on the show, Professor Srinivasan Keshav of the University of Waterloo, the cost of roaming for the company is barely more than local service. In fact, Huge international roaming charges have been outlawed in Europe by the EU.


All three cell phone companies spawned strong candidates for Canada’s Worst Cell Phone Bill, as did Virgin Mobile. This isn’t the problem of one bad company. This is an industry-wide problem. People need to get angry about how bad the Canadian cell phone industry is compared to the rest of the world, and compared to how good it should and could be.

             To watch the Marketplace episode "Canada's Worst Cell Phone Bill", go to: http://www.cbc.ca/marketplace/2010/canadas_worst_cellphone_bill/main.html


               And to see the CBC report on Canada’s international ranking in cell phone costs, visit http://www.cbc.ca/technology/story/2009/08/11/canada-cellphone-rates-expensive-oecd.html.

Why the Montreal Candiens Weren't Better Than the Washington Capitals

Fans of Montreal are getting defensive over claims that Halak won the series for them and that they were greatly outplayed. Well, the WERE outplayed!

Cammalleri scored an amazing 10 points to lead the Canadiens. He was a -4 for the series. Marc-Andre Beregeron was an embarassing -8!

In fact, there were only three players who were a plus for MOntreal: Ryan O'Byrne, Hal Gill, and PK Subban. THose three were each only a +1, and only Hal Gill played more than 4 games. Gomez, Gionta, Cammalleri, Markov, Plekanec, and Kostitsyn were a combined minus 16! THrow in Hamrlik and Bergeron and you have an amazing -28!

These aren't just random names. They are the stars of the Canadiens and they were Montreals top 8 scorers in the first round series against the Caps. Their top 8 scorers were a combined minus 28! How can anyone say that their goalie didn't get hot and steal the series for them? Washington threw 290 shots on goal in 7 games for an average of 41.4 shots/game. Plus Montreal lead the playoffs in shots blocked. All in all, it was an embarassing trouncing! If Washington had even just a bounce or two go their way, Montreal would have been toast.

But Habs fans are right. IT wasn't just Halak that won them the series. It was retarded f#$@ing luck that Washington couldn't get a single bounce their way while throwing so many shots at the net.

Checkmate.

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